So, a week after the event, and there’s blood.

There’s been little to do since egg transfer day. Waiting for a pregnancy test this Wednesday has been a slow torture; there has been literally nothing we’ve been able to do all week. The good news we had was that a day after egg transfer day the clinic phoned to inform us that another egg had successfully reached a mature enough stage to be frozen, so we had two in the freezer and one up the spout.

We may now need them.

It had been going so well, up to this point. Mrs Astronomer is taking vaginally administered progesterone three times a day at eight hour intervals (do the maths and there’s only so many hours uninterrupted sleep you can get a day). A feeling of cautious optimism had settled over the Astro household; not quite at the level of choosing baby names, but still…

The uneasy calm was broken this morning with spotting, with a light period in the afternoon. It’s not the end of the world yet – bleeding doesn’t actually rule anything out – but it doesn’t look good. There has been a huge amount of crying for most of this afternoon; proper gluping sobs as she apologises over and over that she can’t give us a family. It’s not her fault, of course,but try telling her that. All I can do is hold her and it provides so little comfort for either of us.

I feel pretty wretched. The only experience I can remotely compare it to is the sudden loss of a friend of mine in a helicopter crash a few years ago; a feeling of wretched helplessness with an extra dollop of sadness thrown in on top. There’s nothing you can do about the situation and no way of improving it. You can only go along with it.

I’ve wanted a family since I was quite young so this is quite difficult. I’m very lucky to have a supportive wife who wants the same thing as I do, so we can support each other through this.

We won’t know for certain until Wednesday, but right now I’m very glad we have two spare in the freezer!

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