Ultrasounds on Monday and Friday revealed that the drugs have had their desired effect; Mrs Astronomer is basically ready. She’s got the final schedule for the drugs she has to take, and we’ll be ready to go for egg collection and wanking in a jar this Monday coming.

On our schedule is:

Injections – the final dose of 150mg of Follitropin alfa (Gonal F), taken yesterday. This is the one which cancelled out the mini-menopause, putting a bit of Oestrogen back into the system and giving me five minutes respite.

Sniffing drugs (the final dose of Nafarelin Acetate, which is to be taken tonight). This is the one which gave her the mini-menopause, turning everything off.

The three day Sex ban. No sex, no wanking, nothing, as of last night. Testicles already groaning under the built up pressure.

The ‘Kickstart’ hCG injection; 250mg of Ovitrelle, which is to be taken tonight (at exactly 19:10!), and after which we are done with needles (hurrah!). This one kick starts ovulation after a 36 hour delay, whereupon the clinic harvests the eggs. (They were vague on the details. Some form of net, possibly?)

Another bloody big needle thing, green this time

Sunday morning lie in. For the first time in weeks. No getting up early to sniff drugs. Nothing. We get peace, quiet, possibly breakfast in bed. A nil-by-mouth regime comes into effect in the evening for Mrs Astro at this point, prior to sedation on Monday morning.

Egg collection for Mrs Astro at Monday AM at 08:10. Meanwhile, I shall be frantically wanking into a jar in the next room. Goody. The Nurse on Friday did actually say that I have one job, and one job only. The 100% accurate truth of that statement makes it no less irritating. (I’ve taken messages! I’ve held hands! I’ve been a good lad and not fainted when blood was taken!). To be fair, this is the one part where my input is somewhat critical and it can’t be put off either.

There is, of course, a problem. There always is.

The ultrasound revealed there’s a polyp in the lining of my wife’s womb. A polyp is (almost always) a non-cancerous growth, which can lead to difficulty in conceiving. The Nurse didn’t exactly lean in to my wife’s vaginal ultrasound like a mechanic under a car bonnet, sucking in through her teeth and muttering “there’s your problem, buddy” – all she actually did was point at the ultrasound and say “There’s a polyp here which may need removing. Surprised it didn’t show up on any of the other scans”. As our difficulty in conception has been unexplained so far, it’s nice to actually start finding problems. It could be removed surgically, but that decision will be made on Monday. Either that, they could just go straight to inserting the eggs. A delay isn’t the end of the world, it just complicates things with house moves.

So, that leaves the clinic with a GO/NO GO decision to make – to take a risk, proceed with egg insertion, or go onto the waiting list for surgery? We’re fully funded whatever, and if we go to surgery we’ll have eggs on ice, so whatever happens we still get a go at the IVF. It’ll just take a little longer, that’s all.

So, anyway. Monday. Here goes nothin’.